My daughter turned three last week.

A neighbor, whose daughter is about three months older than my daughter and is in the same preschool, told me that a week after her daughter turned three, something terrible happened. She lost her relatively mild-mannered two-year-old and got back a feisty, angry, sassy three-year-old.

And darned it, the same thing happened to me.  My daughter looks so sweet to most people. And she can put on a good show. But, behind closed doors, my daughter can be the most strong-willed, manipulative little beast out there.

Take for example, bath-time. She hates baths. Starting at about 18 months, she really started hating it, showing her displeasure by screaming during the whole process. Well, she’s taken to kicking, wriggling and using psychological warfare. She’ll scream that she needs the potty, and then once on the potty, she’ll scream that she doesn’t need the potty and that she wants to go to bed. Of course, that’s a lie and we know it. So, we continue with the bath with her screaming, “You don’t love me! No! You don’t love me! I don’t love you!”

Her tantrums continue after the bath with her alternately demanding to wear her panties and then screaming for a diaper. With either on her bottom, she promptly removes whatever undergarments she might be wearing and throws them across the room. Once, she took her diaper and started biting it and screaming, “I don’t want a diaper! I don’t want big kid pants.”

These completely exhausting episodes often involve us wrestling her on her bed, Greco-Roman style, and completely tying down her hands with our arms so she can’t slap us. The tantrums can last up to a half-hour. During our most trying days this week, the tantrums have occurred twice a day.

It became evident that this was some sort of emotional period for her, because during one of these episodes, she started screaming, “I don’t want to grow up, Mommy. I don’t want to grow up. I’m not a baby anymore. I don’t want to grow up.”

I am hesitant to talk about this with older parents because I get such bad advice — “Slap her,” “Spank her,” “Show her who’s boss by smacking her,” for example. So, I’ve talked it over with other young parents, some who are family therapists, social workers, teachers, etc., experts in their particular caring profession.

We’re tired and exhausted now, but we accept that this is just a period of transition that could go on for some time. She’s going through something, something akin to what teenagers go through. She remembers the good old baby days fondly, but knows that big girl days are ahead of her. She knows that big girl days can be just as good or even better, but is frustrated by her inability to do everything that big kids can do. At the same time, she misses being held and doted over like a baby.  She cries about it and so do I.

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